Rain Man
by Vanessa Sgroi
Summary: Rain, mud, and Tony DiNozzo. Not a good combination.


Disclaimer: I own nothing related to NCIS. Just having a little fun with Tony and the rest of the team.

* * *

**RAIN MAN**

**By: Vanessa Sgroi**

The elevator dinged and the door slid open expulsing Tony DiNozzo onto his floor at NCIS headquarters. He trudged toward the bullpen, the small wheeled black suitcase dragging behind him squeaking intermittently.

Having been lost in thought, Bishop stopped twirling the ends of her hair when she spied Tony. Her eyebrows knitted in confusion. "Hey, Tony, what's up with the suitcase?" She pulled a Cheeto from a bag on her desk and shoved it in her mouth.

"The suitcase is because it's raining and has been—nonstop—for the last three days," grumbled Tony.

Bishop's lips quirked upward. "Sooo…you're getting ready for a trip on the ark?"

"That's impossible," Tim chimed in, "because the animals were loaded two by two and there _is _no other animal like Tony."

"Oh hardy har har," huffed Tony as he settled at his desk. He stowed the small suitcase behind his desk next to the file cabinet.

"But you keep a change of clothes in your locker downstairs in the gym like the rest of us," Ellie pointed out.

Tony nodded his head. "Yes. But remember two weeks ago? I used my spare clothes after that incident with the elephant…"

"Hah, yeah!" Tim chortled, "The elephant! I remember the elephant. That was a great day."

"For you maybe," grumbled Tony, "I should've sent you my dry cleaning bill. Anyway, I used my extra cloths and forgot to bring more in."

"So you brought in a suitcase full?" Bishop mused.

Tony cocked his head as if in thought. "Essentially, yes. I brought in three changes—two for today and one for my locker. In this kind of weather, it was the smart thing to do."

"But it's just raining out."

Tony waggled a finger at Bishop. "Right. But rain means mud and mud means mess. And I have a feeling about today."

"But there's no active case…we're just doing paper…" Bishop's voice trailed off as twin glares were aimed in her direction.

"Uh oh. Now you've gone and done it…" mumbled Tim. He dropped his head into a raised palm.

"You jinxed us, Bishop," Tony finished. "You've virtually guaranteed we'll get a case…"

"But…"

At that precise moment, Leroy Jethro Gibbs rounded the corner, ever-present coffee cup in hand. "Grab your gear; we've got a dead seaman in…"

"Rock Creek Park, right Boss?" Tony cheekily finished.

Gibbs scowled at Tony's interruption and mumbled something that sounded like _smartass_ before finishing, "…in Fort Dupont Park."

As Gibbs stalked from the bullpen, Tim and Tony both stood and reached for their go-bags. They both looked at Ellie and said in unison, "Told ya."

Shouldering his bag, Tony headed toward the elevators. "Hey, McGruff, did you know Fort Dupont Park was part of the Civil War defenses of Washington? The fort never saw battle, but…"

(NCIS) ** (NCIS) ** (NCIS)

Much to DiNozzo's relief, the rain stopped, at least temporarily, shortly after their arrival on scene. That would at least make photo documentation somewhat easier, despite the fact that the body was already half-buried in mud. Grateful that he'd thought to don an old pair of shoes prior to exiting the car, Tony picked his way to the body.

Taking aim, he began his series of shots of the body _in situ_ wanting to get that out of the way so Ducky and Palmer could remove the deceased. Stepping slowly and carefully, he made his way in circle around the body, pleased with the angles he was getting. Tony was just about to snap his last photo in this set when he misstepped. His left foot sank deep into the muck. He wobbled as the mud vacuumed his leg back and down.

"McGee!"

"What?"

"Get over here!"

Without pausing, Tim called back over his shoulder, "Tony, I'm kinda busy right now."

"Now, McGee! It's important."

With a sigh, Tim stopped collecting evidence, turned, and made his way to Tony. "What?"

"Pull my arm…"

"What—is this a different version of _pull my finger_?"

DiNozzo huffed. "NO! I'M stuck!"

"Stuck?" McGee was skeptical.

"YES, stuck! My left foot is stuck in the mud. I can't…" Tony paused and tried to pull his leg up. "I can't get it out."

"Oh. Okay. Let me just…" Bracing himself, Tim grabbed Tony's arm and gave it a good yank.

Nothing happened.

Readjusting his grip so he now held part of Tony's shoulder, McGee tried again. "Lean toward me. Yeah, yeah…that's it…" Tim pulled backward as hard as he could.

With a loud squelch, Tony's leg popped from the oozing muck. He staggered into Tim, steadying himself with a hand on Tim's shoulder. Tony sighed in relief. "Thanks! I had visions of quicksand there for a minute just like in the movie _Death Curse of Tartu_…"

"You okay?"

Tony glanced down at his left foot, wiggled his toes. "I lost my shoe."

"Doesn't look like you're getting it back either." Tim jutted his chin toward the hole where Tony's leg had been. It was rapidly disappearing.

"Figures."

Tony went back to taking pictures, snagging the last one of the body and then beginning with the surrounding area. Spying something suspicious at the crest of a small incline on the other side of the dead seaman, Tony half hobbled his way there. After snapping a few pictures of the oddly flattened grass and a stray cigarette butt, he turned to call McGee's attention to the area. Unfortunately, his socked foot—now wet and muddy and offering no traction whatsoever—slid out from under him. Windmilling his arms, DiNozzo struggled to right himself, overcorrected and, with a yelp, fell forward, belly-flopping into the very stretch of mud in which he'd been stuck earlier. Miraculously, Tony managed to keep the camera raised toward the sky, keeping it from a deleterious mud bath. He, however, was not so lucky.

DiNozzo sat up slowly. Wiping mud from his eyes, he slid backward until he reached sturdier ground then rose to his feet. He backhanded his mouth and spit out some of the foul ooze that had migrated across his tongue and teeth.

"You done playin' in the mud, DiNozzo?"

Tony's gaze tracked to Gibbs who stood a few yards away. Taking his question for what it was, a GIbbsian show of concern, Tony nodded. "Yeah, Boss," Tony paused to spit mud again, "Sorry. Hey, you know, Boss, mud baths are all the rage now? I woulda had to pay a few hundred to get that at a high-end spa."

With a smirk, Gibbs half shook his head, relieved Tony was okay. Spinning on his heel, he instructed, "Get back to work."

"Yes, Boss."

Tony finished taking the necessary photos while McGee and Bishop continued their search for evidence. Soon they were joined by Ducky and Jimmy who waited patiently for approval to extract the body and transport it to headquarters.

By the time the team was back at NCIS, the remaining mud covering Tony had dried and hardened, leaving him feeling a bit like the rusting Tin man from the Wizard of Oz, as he stiffly made his way to the bullpen and his desk. Dried mud cracked and flaked to the floor as he bent forward and grabbed his suitcase. He resolutely headed for the showers, relishing the thought of being clean again.

(NCIS) ** (NCIS) ** (NCIS)

Thirty minutes later Tony was back at his desk, hair still damp from his quick shower.

"You done with your spa day, DiNozzo?" snarked Gibbs from his desk.

Tony couldn't help it, he grinned at Gibbs' words. "All set, Boss. Ready to dig in."

"Good. I want you to go talk to Seaman Lazarro's former college roommates—the good buddies he had before dropping out to join the Navy. See if they can tell us anything. Address is on your desk."

Finding the piece of paper, DiNozzo whistled. "Nice digs for a college boy."

"Take Bishop with you."

"Got it, Boss."

DiNozzo motioned for Ellie to join him and they both headed toward the elevators. Glancing out the windows as they passed, Tony saw that sheets of rain had again started to fall. "Well, one good thing, this'll all be indoors—no mud pits around."

(NCIS) ** (NCIS) ** (NCIS)

A little more than two hours later, a highly disheveled, dirty, and damp Tony DiNozzo slunk back into the bullpen. Without a word, he dropped his mangled-looking backpack and rested his wet jacket across the back of his chair and then headed once again downstairs to the showers.

McGee watched Tony traverse and disappear from sight before turning to Bishop. "Geez. What happened to him?"

Ellie sunk into her chair and folded up her legs. "Well, there was this giant dog and a pool…"

"A pool? But it's raining outside…"

"It was an indoor pool. And then there were these bushes…and a maze…" Ellie sighed and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I better let Tony tell you the story."

Tim smirked. "Sounds like one for the record books. Right up there with the elephant. Well, that's his second change of the day. Good thing he's got a third set of clothes the way his day is going."

Bishop shook her head. "Except that he doesn't."

"But he said he had…"

Ellie opened a bag of corn chips and popped one into her mouth. Pulling another from the bag, she pointed with it. "What do you think is in his backpack over there?"

"No! Really? He stuck his last change of clothes in his backpack?! Why would he do that?"

Bishop shrugged. "Beats me. But I'm not gonna be the one to ask him. Are you?"

"Nope." Tim spun his chair around and re-focused on his computer. "Not a chance. But I do have to hear the story of the giant dog and the pool."

Gibbs rounded the corner just in time to hear Tim's last sentence. His gaze moved to Tony's desk and then to Ellie. He shook his head and proceeded to his own desk. "Yeah. I gotta hear this one too."

When Tony returned to the bullpen twenty minutes later, all eyes turned to him. His steps slowed as he neared his desk. "What?"

Crumpling the small bag now devoid of corn chips in her hand, Ellie tossed it into the garbage can and said, "They want to hear the story about the giant dog and the pool."

"Yeah," agreed McGee, "we want to hear it. Is it better or worse than the elephant incident?"

DiNozzo rolled his eyes. "Better. Nothing could be worse than the elephant story."

"Uh oh. Now you've gone and done it," Bishop repeated Tim's words from earlier in the day.

"What?"

"You jinxed yourself, Tony. So be prepared for something worse than the elephant story."

Tony resisted the strong urge to bang his forehead into desk.

"Now this oughta be something to see," Gibbs grumbled from his desk. "Should I give Ducky a warning?"

_**FIN**_


End file.
